Movie Ratings

If you listen to our podcast, you know that we rate films on a scale of zero to five “Pamela Voorhees Heads.” A film with zero heads should be avoided at all costs, while a film with a perfect five is a must-see. We recommend checking out anything with a rating of 2.5 or higher.

In some instances, one of us may not have watched the movie being reviewed. In those rare cases, that person is ignored, and the overall rating becomes the average score of the two remaining Swearwolves. If we have a guest on the show, their rating is included and weighted the same as our own.

We didn’t apply ratings to some films in our very early days. Sorry about that. Some of those have been addressed retroactively in later episodes – which is reflected in the rating on this page.

Films are listed and updated alphabetically (omitting words like “A, “An,” The,” etc.).

3 From Hell – Bret: 4, David: 3, Alan: 2, Overall: 3

28 Days Later – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.33

Alien – Bret: 5, David: 5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4.83

Altered States – Bret: 2, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.17

American Nightmare, The – Bret: 5, David: 3, Alan: 4, special guest Bootsie: 4.5, Overall: 4.125

American Werewolf in London, An – Bret: 3.5, David: 4.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.83

American Werewolf in Paris, An – Bret: .5, David 1, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1

April Fool’s Day – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.33

Arachnophobia – Bret: N/A, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3

Army of Darkness – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.67

Babysitter, The – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 4

Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.17

Beyond, The – Bret: 4, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, special guest Bootsie: 2, Overall: 3.125

Beyond the Black Rainbow – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 5, Overall: 4.17

Bird Box – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.17

Bird with the Crystal Plumage, The – Bret: 1.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 5, Overall: 3

Bone Tomahawk – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 5, Overall: 4

Black Christmas (1974) – Bret: 2, David: 3, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.33

Black Sabbath – Bret: N/A, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 4

Blob, The (1988) – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.17

Blood Diner – Bret: 1, David: 1.5, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1.33

Blood Rage – Bret: 0.5, David: 2, Alan: 1, Overall: 1.17

Blood Sucking Freaks – Bret: 2, David: .5, Alan: 2, Overall: 1.5

Bordello of Blood, Tales from the Crypt Presents – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Special guest Adam: 2.5, Overall: 2.63

Burning, The – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3

Cabin in the Woods, The – Bret: 4.5, David: 4.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 4.33

Candyman – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.83

Christmas Horror Story, A – Bret: 1.5, David: 2, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2

C.H.U.D. – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 2.83

Cannibal Holocaust – Bret: 1, David: 1, Alan: 1, Overall: 1

Chopping Mall – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.83

Class of 1999 – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.17

Collector, The – Bret: 1.5, David: 2, Alan: N/A, Overall: 1.75

Conjuring, The – Bret: 3, David: 4.5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4

Critters – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 2.83

Daniel Isn’t Real – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.67

Dawn of the Dead (1978) – Bret: 4, David: 4.5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4.33

Day of the Dead (1985) – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.17

Dead Alive – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.5

Death Proof – Bret: 4.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 3.5

Demon Knight, Tales from the Crypt Presents – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Special guest Adam: 3.5, Overall: 3.5

Demons – Bret: 1.5, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.17

Demons 2 – Bret: 1, David: 2, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 2.17

Descent, The – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.33

Devil Rides Out, The – Bret: 1, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 2.67

Devil’s Rain, The – Bret: 2.5, David: 2, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.33

Devil’s Rejects, The – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.83

Dog Soldiers – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.67

Dracula, Bram Stoker’s – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.83

Drag Me To Hell – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 3.33

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark – Bret: 2, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.5

Elvira’s Haunted Hills – Bret: 0.5, David: 1.5, Alan: 1, Overall: 1

Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn – Bret: 4, David: 4.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 4

Father’s Day, A (short) – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: N/A, Overall: 3.5

Feast – Bret: 3.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.17

Feast II – Bret: 0.5, David: 1, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1

Final Girls, The – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.83

Fly, The (1986) – Bret: 5, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 4.33

Fog, The (John Carpenter’s) – Bret: 2.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 3.5

Found Footage 3D – Bret: 3.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.33

Frankenhooker – Bret: 3, David: 2.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3

Frankenstein (1931) – Bret: 3.5, David: 5, Alan: 4, Overall: 4.17

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare – Bret: 0.5, David: 0.5, Alan: 1, Overall: 0.67

Friday the 13th (1980) – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.5

Friday the 13th (2009) – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.5

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives – Bret: 2, David: 3.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.5

Fright Night (1985) – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 3.5, special guest Christina: 3, Overall: 3.5

Frighteners, The – Bret: 3.5, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.17

From Beyond – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.33

Gate, The – Bret: 1.5, David: 2, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.17

Get Out – Bret: 4.5, David: 5, Alan: 5, Overall: 4.83

Ghostface (fan film) – Bret: 0.5, David: 1, Alan: 1, Overall: 0.83

Ginger Snaps – Bret: 2.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 3.5

Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, A – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 5, Overall: 4.33

Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film – Bret: 5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, special guest Bootsie: 3.5, Overall: 3.5

Green Inferno, The – Bret: 2, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3

Green Room – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 4

Halloween (2018) – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4.17

Halloween III: Season of the Witch – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4

Happy Birthday To Me – Bret: 2, David: 2.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.33

Happy Death Day – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.67

Happy Death Day 2U – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.33

Hardware – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.67

Hell Fest – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3

Hellbound: Hellraiser II – Bret: 4, David: 2.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.33

Hellraiser – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.17

High Tension – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.5

Holidays – Bret: 2.5, David: 1.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.33

Hound of the Baskervilles, The (1959) – Bret: 3.5, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.33

House – Bret: 2, David: 2, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.17

House II: The Second Story – Bret: .5, David: 1.5, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1.17

House by the Cemetery, The – Bret: 1.5, David: 1.5, Alan: 2, special guest Bootsie: 1, Overall: 1.5

House of 1000 Corpses – Bret: 3.5, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.17

Howling, The – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.5

Hush – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.83

I Spit On Your Grave (1978) – Bret: 3.5, David: 2, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.17

In the Mouth of Madness – Bret: 3, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.5

It Follows – Bret: 3.5, David: 4.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 4

Jack Frost – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.33

Jason X – Bret: 1.5, David: 1.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 1.67

Jester: The (short) – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3

Jester: Chapter 2, The (short) – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3

Leprechaun 4: In Space – Bret: 0, David: .5, Alan: 1, Overall: .5

Lighthouse, The – Bret: 4.5, David: 5, Alan: 5, special guest Bootsie: 4, Overall: 4.625

Lifeforce – Bret: 2, David: 2.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 2.83

Lords of Salem, The – Bret: 0.5, David: 1.5, Alan: 1, Overall: 1

Lost Boys, The – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3

Loved Ones, The – Bret: 4.5, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 4.17

Madman – Bret: 1.5, David: 1, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1.33

Magic – Bret; 3, David: 3, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.33

Mandy – Bret: 3, David: 2.5, Alan: 5, Overall: 3.5

Maniac (1980) – Bret: 4, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.83

Mayhem – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.67

Monkey Shines – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3

Monster Squad, The – Bret: 2, David: 3.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.67

My Bloody Valentine (1981) – Bret: 3, David: 2, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.33

Near Dark – Bret: 1.5, David: 3, Alan: 2, special guest Christina: 1.5, Overall: 2

Neon Maniacs – Bret: 0.5, David: 0.5, Alan: 1, Overall: 0.67

Night of the Comet – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 2.5

Night of the Creeps – Bret: 3.5, David: 4, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.67

Night of the Demons – Bret: 1.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.33

Night of the Living Dead (1968) – Bret: 3, David: 4, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.67

Nightmare On Elm Street, A (1984) – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.5

Nightmare on Elm Street, A (2010) – Bret: 1, David: 1.5, Alan: 1, Overall: 1.33

Phantasm – Bret: 2, David: 2, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.33

Phantasm II – Bret: 1, David: 2.5, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1.67

Phenomena – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.33

Planet Terror – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 3.33

Poltergeist (1982) – Bret: 2.5, David: 5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.67

Poultrygeist – Bret: 0, David: 0.5, Alan: 0.5, Overall: 0.33

Predator – Bret: 2.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.33

Prince of Darkness (John Carpenter’s) – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.33

Puppetmaster – Bret: 2.75, David: 2, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.25

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich – Bret: 1, David: 2.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2

Quiet Place, A – Bret: 2, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3

Raw – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 5, Overall: 4.33

Re-Animator – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 3.83

Red State – Bret: 4.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 4

Return of the Witch, The (fan film) – Bret: 0.5, David: 0.5, Alan: 0.5, Overall: 0.5

Return to Horror High – Bret: 0.5, David: 1, Alan: 0.5, Overall: 0.67

Reverse (short) – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.17

Robowar – Bret: 1, David: 1, Alan: 3, Overall: 1.67

Santa’s Slay – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.67

Sawyer (fan film) – Bret: 0.5, David: 0.5, Alan: 0.5, Overall: 0.5

Scream – Bret: 4, David: 4.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 4

Scream 2 – Bret: 2, David: 2.5, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.33

Sentinel, The – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 2.67

Serpent and the Rainbow, The – Bret: 2.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.33

Shakma – Bret: 2, David: 1.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 1.83

Shocker – Bret: 1, David: 1, Alan: 1, Overall: 1

Shocking Dark – Bret: 0.5, David: 1, Alan: 4, Overall: 1.83

Silent Night, Deadly Night – Bret: 1.5, David: 1, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1.33

Slaughter High – Bret: 1, David: 0.5, Alan: 1, Overall: 0.83

Sleepaway Camp – Bret: 2.5, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3

Slither – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.33

Slumber Party Massacre, The – Bret: 1.5, David: 2, Alan: 2, Overall: 1.83

Society – Bret: 2, David: 2, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.17

Sorority House Massacre – Bret: 0.5, David: 0.5, Alan: 1, Overall: .67

Special Day (short) – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.17

Stuff, The – Bret: 2, David: 2, Alan: 1.5, Overall: 1.83

Suck – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.83

Suspiria – Bret: 2, David: 3, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 2.83

Tales from the Crypt (1972) – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.5

Terrifier – Bret: 2.5, David 2.5, Alan: N/A, Overall: 2.5

Thankskilling – Bret: 0, David: 1, Alan: 0, Overall: 0.33

Thing, The (1982) – Bret: 5, David: 5, Alan: 5, Overall: 5

Tremors – Bret: 3, David: 3, Alan: 2.5, Overall: 2.83

Tusk – Bret: 3.5, David: 3, Alan: 3, Overall: 3.17

Uninvited, The (1944) – Bret: 2.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 3.5, Overall: 3.17

Us – Bret: 4, David: 4.5, Alan: 5, Overall: 4.5

Vampires (John Carpenter’s) – Bret: 1.5, David: 2.5, Alan: 2, Overall: 2

Videodrome – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4.17

Witch, The – Bret: 4, David: 4, Alan: 5, special guest Bootsie: 4.5, Overall: 4.375

Wolf Man, The (1941) – Bret: 3.5, David: 3.5, Alan: 4, Overall: 3.67

Yoga Hosers – Bret: 2.5, David: 2, Alan: 2, Overall: 2.17

Zodiac – Bret: 4.5, David: 4.5, Alan: 4.5, Overall: 4.5

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